DYING is my reason for LIVING

Friday, December 25, 2009

The WaKe Up CaLL..!!!!

It’s very late now, 3 AM on a SaT'day.....I started writing........guess I should be sleeping. But my responsibilities as a BloG owner didnt allow me...so here i am finally posting on my blog....!!!


   the girl who seemed unbreakable -- Broke
   the girl who seemed so strong -- Crumbled
   the girl who always laughed it off -- Cried
                            &
  the girl who would never stop trying --
         F i n a l l y gave up...!!!

There are too many things clouding my mind now. It’s been some months since I parted ways. Everything has its phases. This is perhaps the last lap. I hope at least. The first phase was when I was trying to go berserk and live life like nothing happened. It was normal. I remember the way I cried the night when she came to Hyderabad and the way she hated meee…for my attitude…that's when I was moving to phase two.

Now you start coming to terms with what has happened. It starts eating you slowly. You look at your mails and cell phone but there are no missed calls or messages. You keep staring at it with the hope that something does come. Maybe a one liner, a forward. Perhaps even a couple of abuses!!!! But there is nothing as you stare into the blank screen. All it shows is five towers and the name of the service provider.

I thought things might turn back on my birthday… I was having serious symptoms of re-bound. Not only me...people who know mee thought the same.
  
Anything would do. Having cloudy thoughts and longing to get back to the old routine is the order of the day. There was no one to listen to my drivel or tolerate my idiosyncrasies. I was looking and perhaps just for the heck of it. Like a flash out of the blue, I came back to senses. This was not the way. If something has to happen it would. One can't make something happen. I did not try too hard last time; maybe I should wait and give myself time.

"Saru, give yourself time!” I kept telling myself. And eventually I did learn to do that. Now I am living with it. And yet, life shows no sign of stopping from what it wants to do. It has its own things to take care off. Maybe things are not so bad. I keep telling myself that.


Now I find other ways to keep myself occupied. Everyday, I wake up with the hope that something turns up. Nothing does. I don't think it will, perhaps for the best. The daily trivial issues eat into the day like there is no tomorrow and I have to put up with tantrums and brats. I miss the times when I used act like one, but there is no one to tolerate it or tell me to stop. No one. I am on my own. Perhaps, for my own good.
Who knows?
There is always something in store, maybe not now. Maybe later.
Who knows?
Who knows....?


Always remember two things......

1. Everything is for our GuD..!!!

2. If it really ours....it will find YoU..if not even u search..u CaN't..!!!

Monday, December 7, 2009

My AnGeLs......SIDE EFFECTS !! !

Believe me the worst thing that can ever happen to you in a relationship is a BREAK UP! yep u heard me rite its B R E A K U P..

Well I don't really know how women take it but. . . .

For men like me. . . it’s the worst. . . I SwEaR. . .

I mean you really don't have a break up actually. . . it’s not like. . .
"Forgetting and moving on"
No! It never is. . . .

I never forget MeoW. . . never can I?

And Life is very cruel. . . it plays these stupid games on you. . .

Those beautiful eyes. . . . her graceful smile. . . . every single thing about . . came back to me. . . She had become an addiction. . . all those memories. . . all those beautiful days we spent together . . . all those dreams we saw together. . .
Naah! Can't just be broken. . .

Hearts are not made of glass to be broken neither are just flesh and blood but much more. . .

They say time heals all the wounds . . . not these . . . not these I say!!!

Imagine how it would have been if even our lives would have buttons like REWIND and ERASE.



I want to go back. . . relive my past. . .

I miss you MeoW!!
Miss you. . . . .



Miss u by the day. . . miss u by the night. . .
if there was anything between a day and a night then i will miss u even then!!!
i dont know if it is love which runs in my veins instead of blood. . . i dont know what it is which i breath instead of air. . . Call it love or something else. . . i know when my soul is filled up with something which cries out only one name. . . YOU AND YOU

These r not words oh my damsel. . . these are the scraps of my heart not written in blood though but still are as divine as life could be. . . i wish i could open my heart and keep it before you my love but my lyf stops me. . .

oh! Beautiful lady please stop. . . let the time freeze for which i cannot choose but stare upon you to your enchanting smile. . . till the end of the world! ! !

I lay behold in my dreams. . . not single. . . not alone. . . but with the love of my life. . . and i say to god. . . take me if you want. . . for i shall not grieve. . . for my dreams have come true. . . and i shall not grieve. . . LuV u EvEr